Friday, December 10, 2010

Update 40

So a few things...
My sister and her husband are away on their honeymoon. Since my sister works for my dad and there is no one to cover for her, I had to or else she couldn't really go at this time. I am also watching her house and puppy. My boyfriend moved in with me there for the 2 weeks and together we now have 4 dogs... kill me!! We have my Minpin, my sisters Yorkie, his yellow lab and his big black dog. I am working about 60 hours this week and next week, my sisters job and mine. It has been fun playing house but I realize that when we are both working so much, we are not going to have much time to spend together even if we live together. Some nights he finished working and came to bed at like 5 in the morning when I was already sleeping for hours. And then I left at 8 am while he remained sleeping.
I got very irritated with my ex. He called me to tell me about his business idea. He decided to quit his job in Europe a year early. The same job that he told me he couldn't quit because he was on contract with them for 3 years and I would have to move there to be with him until his contract was up. Then he tell me that he knows of a place about an hour from where I live where he thinks we can start a camp type wilderness program for teens. An hour from where I live!!!! A year ago I would have begged him on my hands and knees to quit his job and move here!!! Now that I am with someone else and happy, he does everything that I had wanted him to do a year ago. The real kick in the ass was when he told me that if it had felt more right then he would convert. I was wanting him to say that there was some hope of conversion for the entire time we were together and now he says it?!?!?
Anyway, I listened to his idea about the camp and then told him that besides the fact that I would need to see numbers to see if it actually made sense.... How would I explain to my bf that I am going to be spending three weeks every other month alone in the forest with my ex.
The next day I got a message saying "My mom says to just tell him that I am not Jewish". WOAH!!!! Passive agressive much?? Why dont you tell me how your mom really feels??? I was so angry and upset that he would say that to me. Like what a stab for no reason. Just tell him I am not Jewish and then he wont worry about us hanging out... as if he is telling me that I think he is dirt or less then or I view myself as above him. And as if my bf gives a crap about his religion and would want me alone in the woods with any guy, period. It was an ignorant comment and there was no reason to go there and bring up Judaism again. I felt very attacked and was surprised that he went there. These little things that he is doing just helps me realize that i have made the right decision. And that the issue of Judaism would have eventually come up with his family and they would resent me if he ever converted or even if I wanted to raise my children Jewsih.

I also have been having a pretty sad week. I'm not sure if everyone heard the news but last friday in Israel there was a crazy fire. They lost millions of trees and had to evacuate thousands of people. And there was a bus with about 40 students studying to be Generals in the police that were going to help evacuate a prison. The bus caught on fire and my cousin was one of the students that was literally burned alive on the bus. She is the one that i just spent the summer with. She was newly married and planned to have a baby next year. She just wanted to finsih this course and then wanted to start her family. Our hearts are all broken from this loss. We have decided to plant a forest in Israel in her memory. My dad is going to buy the first 180 trees and friends and family will donate to buy the other 820 trees to compleate the forest in her memory. I spoke to her husband. He is broken. She was his universe. He really loved her so much. I watched them interat when I stayed with them this summer and he was crazy about her. After talking to him and crying with him. I realized two things. One is that I need to be as in love as they were with the person I marry and second, I am way too scared to love another person that much because what if they are taken from you or leave. I have been having all kinds of crazy thoughts and bad dreams this week and I hope she is in a better place cause we all miss her terribly.

I am getting ready to go to Florida with my bf. He has a house there and will be staying there for most of the winter. We are driving down so that he can have his car and dogs there and then both our moms are flying down to meet us a few days later. I think the plan is that they will babysit thedogs so that we can get away for a few days on a crusie or something :)
Although I am starting to learn some of his flaws and see that he is not perfect, I really like him and I am happy with him. We have tons of fun together and laugh like crazy. And he sometimes really surprises me with how sweet and romantic he can be! For Hannukah he got me a beautiful black pearl necklace and he is always thinking of me with flowers and chocolates and sweetness. I am a lucky girl.


  1. I am SO happy for you! I am also glad you realize that everyone has flaws but that doesn't stop them for being perfect for YOU. Continue to be strong in your faith and your relationship.

  2. I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I agree with you on both realizations. i've been having a rough week myself with a break up from someone I cared about deeply. It was sudden and wrenching. So i know what you mean about the "what if it ends?" concept.

    There's a Jewish story that ends with the saying "this too shall pass." Nothing is forever, not love, not pain. I try to remember this.

  3. Dear 50jdates:
    I am sorry for your loss and for the pain you feel. The blog world is thinking of you and your family.

  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. This was a great post in general, it's so interesting to hear about your interactions in love with your boyfriend, ex, and now the example of your poor cousin. I wish you the best, thanks for sharing with us.

  5. I am truly sorry for your loss. I know I don't know you or your family but honestly reading that made my heart ache. My husband and I are crazy in love and if anything ever happened to him...... I hope you are all able to heal from the pain especially her husband. Know that she (like anyone) would probably not have wanted any of you to be sad, as I'm sure she loved you all as much as you loved her.